So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
...so i touched it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
