I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i now understand why vodka
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize