I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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