u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
