i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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