I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
