margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
