he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
