this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
