I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
