no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
