Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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