OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
