she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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