I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
