Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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