You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize