I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He? As in you personified your dick?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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