I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
