I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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