just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
