I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
