Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
