Farmville is her only friend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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