come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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