Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
