I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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