like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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