Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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