So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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