Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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