First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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