i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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