Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
