Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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