So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
