He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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