Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
