Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
