Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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