I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
