It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
