Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
