first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
