porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
