genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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