he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
