do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
