Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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