i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
