this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
