After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
