a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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