woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We're too hungover to prance.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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