Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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