I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
