stop calling my apartment porn island.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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