I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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