Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
