mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
