there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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