Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
