Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
