I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
