Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
