god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
