I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
