it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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