if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
