so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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