There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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